Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Sunned and Cirrhotic: Part 3

Day 3: Getting to Know BillyBoy

After another ‘morning’ of raging hangovers and missed breakfast, FauxHawk and I hit the beach. But not before having a conversation with BillyBoy about life outside the resort. FauxHawk and I were sitting down to some much needed caffeine (thank god the coffee station was open 24 hours) when BillyBoy came and sat at our table. Surprisingly, he was in fact capable of communication beyond “brap brap!” and “looky looky!”. We asked him about his life and learned that he worked 14 hours/day, 7 days a week, in order to save up his 1 day/week off to be able to take 4 days off in a row to go visit his family on the other side of the island. He hadn’t been there in over 6 months. Also, his 2 children lived there with BillyBoy’s parents.

Well, now I felt bad. Poor BillyBoy, separated from his children and forced to work such long hours just to save up his money to send them school supplies. Not to mention the humiliating work of dancing like a monkey all day. Poor, poor BillyBoy.

Furthermore, he didn’t have a wife yet he wants to have 4 more children. His logic is that 6 children cost the same as 1, so why not have 6? Umm…maybe this is why BillyBoy is forced to dance like a monkey for a living. Them’s some good math skills.

He also told us about how his father had 4 wives and how most people beat their children. But not him, since he barely sees them. That’s heartwarming.

Poor, poor gentle BillyBoy.

Later, on the beach, BillyBoy came up to me and the med friends and taught us some local dialect. Here is what I learned:
Meloni = tits
Salami = penis
Cheechoo = muffin-top, or better known as love-handles
Jiggy Jiggy = getting it on

He then pointed out all the women on the beach with ‘grande meloni!’, made fun of all the women with ‘cheechoo’, made fun of all the older women with ‘meloni relocated’ (saggy tits), and said that he likes his job because he gets lots of ‘jiggy jiggy’.

We taught him how to say ass (which he pronounced AHsss). He then, using a mixture of broken English and charades, explained how the men in the DR save ass-sex for their golden years. Allow me to describe our conversation:

BillyBoy: Een da Dominican, we only use da AHsss for crappy crappy. *squats and makes constipation face*. Only crappy crappy!
ThePeach/MedFriends: …what?
BillyBoy: Only use AHsss for crappy crappy because da salami is good for da jiggy jiggy.
ThePeach/MedFriends:…yes.
BillyBoy: But, when da man ees get old, salami no good for jiggy jiggy. *thrusts pelvis, dangles arm limply from crotch* Only pissy pissy.
ThePeach/MedFriends:…yes.
BillyBoy: So den you use da AHsss for jiggy jiggy! *bends over*
ThePeach/MedFriends: I’m sorry, are you saying that when your ‘salami’ becomes ‘flaccid’ in old age, you take it up the ass?
BillyBoy: Ci!

I’ve learned so much.

Later that night, when we were as usual pounding back drinks at the local dance club, we saw BillyBoy dry-jiggyjiggy’ing some girl on the dance-floor, and buying drinks left right and centre. It was 3am. I was so disillusioned! But, BillyBoy! What about the school supplies for your poor children!? Shouldn’t you be at home mailing them the 50 cents you made today?

BillyBoy lies for pity-money. And pity-jiggy.

On our last day, he asked one of the MedFriends for his shoes.

ThePeach.

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