Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Another Gym-related Curiosity

Dear Overly Enthusiastic Chick in my Spin Class,

Don’t take this the wrong way, but who the fuck are you and where did you come from? Are you on opioids? I’m sincerely baffled by your incessant need to verbally express your enthusiasm – through shouting “WOOOO!!!!” – every time the instructor tells us to increase our resistance or speed. Seriously. Also, the sheer mechanics of HOW you are able to do that confuses me. By that point in the class, I am usually unable to draw oxygen into my lungs and am a quivering, wheezing, drooling Yetti-like creature. Yet, somehow, you can muster enough air and enthusiasm to shout “WOOOO!!!”. At a point where most of the class looks nauseous and I’m considering punching FauxHawk in the face for convincing me to join the class, the last thing I want to hear is “WOOOO!!!” every 3 minutes.

There are so many things I want to ask you. What, exactly, are you so excited about? The sweat running into your eyes, rendering you a curious combination of blind and thankful that you’re on a stationary bike and not an actual one on the side of a mountain somewhere, where you would surely careen to your gory death? No? Perhaps you’re excited about the burning sensation eating through your muscles with the speed and intensity of a fat kid with cake. Not close? Then I’m boggled.

Regardless of your reasons, I’m going to have to warn you that my feelings towards you are veering dangerously close to “homicidal” or “violent death by bludgeoning”, and not just because exercise makes me cranky. But because today, in a albeit quieter echo, FauxHawk cranked his resistance and shouted “WOOOO!!!”. Thanks a lot for turning my boyfriend into a temporary chipper fairy. The next time you shout “WOOOO!!” in class, if I can muster any strength or enthusiasm at all it will be to throw my shoe at your face.

I just thought you should know.



Ps. Please pass the following message along to your friend. You know which one I mean:

Dear chick that walks around in the change-room completely topless, but wearing sunglasses,

Why? Again, I must ask – why?


1 comment:

The Diva said...

Dear PEachy peach...
I have to admit...you are tres cool...but you know I've loved you for oh so long.....

Chat soon...and down with spazzy spinners.