Friday, March 10, 2006

ThePeach is Sweaty and Old

Yesterday, FauxHawk convinced me to do a spinning class with him at the gym. He didn’t so much convince me as he dragged me, but the point is that I got some exercise. I’m now a cripple with leaden stumps for legs, but woooo exercise!

Anyway, while I was there, I noticed something that scared me even more than the lululemon camel-toe: buff chicks who don’t sweat. Seriously, what is up with them? There was one in my spin class who didn’t release a drop of perspiration – and this is a class where the windows and mirrors actually fog up and the floor gets covered in about an inch of unidentified liquid by the end. I come out of those classes looking like I just wrestled a greased-up Oprah for some fat-free chitlins – and lost. And then rolled around in some wet ass.

But this girl, with her perfectly toned ass and defined abs (let’s hunt her down and kill her!), looked like she just took a leisurely cycle around the park.

There are others, too. The blonde girl on the treadmill who sprints for 45 minutes, the tanned chick in the short-shorts zooming along on the elliptical, the girl with thighs o’ steel on the rowing machine.

All of them could kick my or any of your asses. None of them sweat. I don’t trust them.

They’re like some kind of beautiful android. Maybe they’re the new evolution of human. Either way, they make me look bad. Natural selection is weeding me out for being sweaty, and I don’t like it.

Anyway, after that debacle I went to Swiss Chalet with TheNurse and TheHussy. God, I loves me some greasy chicken and chalet sauce. But I was so exhausted from the spin class that I was nodding off in my seat. And then I had a horrible realization/glimpse into my future: I’m 23, and I’m already falling asleep in the swiss chalet. Maybe I should start wearing adult diapers, too, just to save myself the effort. And get myself one of those motorized scooters with the orange flags to scoot up and down the street and honk at youngin’s.

Seriously, it doesn’t sound so bad.



theHubby said...

I love you...we should get together and eat cheese soon. I don't know why I'm mentioning this now...maybe because the perfect way to celebrate going to the gym is to eat some cheese and possibly get drunk/high

thepeach said...

That IS the perfect way to celebrate healthiness! This is why you're my husband.