Friday, June 23, 2006

ThePeach is a Home-Wrecker?

My day hasn't gotten off to a very good start.

First of all, I was up late last night doing readings for my fucking english courses. The kitten napped in an angelic little bundle at my feet the entire time, purring like a little motor and twitching as he dreamt of attacking shit - most likely, my feet or TheHippie's hair. He woke up as I got up to go to bed and looked at me with the crazy-eyes. He got the tail-twitch. He shivered in excitement...

ThePeach: Milo...don't do it. Don't. Peach is sleepy. Peach will kick you.
Milo: FUCK YOU, LADY!! *ATTACK!!!*

He spent the next 2 hours trying to eat my feet. I was literally walking from the living-room to the bedroom dragging the kitten by his teeth. He burrowed his little devil-fangs into my achilles-tendon and didn't let go until he fell asleep on my face at 4am.

He's a joy.

At 8am, I jolted out of my sleep to the sound of my cell phone ringing:

peach-cell: RING!
ThePeach: Whuzza? Shmeh *cough* huh? shmehhhh. zzz...
Milo: *ATTACK!!!*
peach-cell: RING!
ThePeach: Satan? zzz...
Milo: *ATTACK!!!*
peach-cell: RIIING!
ThePeach: Somebody better fucking be dead. *picks up* Hello??
TheBoss: Peach!!! You awake??!
ThePeach: NO. I mean...*looks at clock*...yes, I'm just eating breakfast.
TheBoss: You have to walk past the book store on your way to work, right?
ThePeach: Only if I want to go 20 minutes out of my way in the opposite direction.
TheBoss: Great, I need you to pick up 2 books for me.
ThePeach:...ok.
TheBoss: Ok, they are "The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work" and "Divorce Busting".
ThePeach:...are you serious?
TheBoss: I don't have any cash so I'll have to pay you Monday. LATAH!!! *hangs up*
Milo: *ATTACK!!!*

For the love of all that is holy and pure. I need to find new work. Now.

After that phone call I went back to bed for an hour, where I had vivid dreams about chinese whore-houses. Again. (Hey, I can't even explain the way my conscious mind works, let alone my unconscious).

I did not pick up the books. I will order them online.

Jesus hates me.

ThePeach

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You shouldn't think of yourself as a homewrecker, but more of an "unobtainable better choice".

asian cymbals said...

...Chinese whore-houses?

Am I there?

Also, I'm starting to think you're making TheBoss up. Unbelievable!

Billy said...

You are clearly a home wrecker.

Or, I'm drunk.

Either way.

At 1am on Sunday night, make your own call.