Monday, October 23, 2006

The Breakup Diaries: Day 5

Today is the day where irony kicks me in the box.

I had class today, and I hadn’t done any readings all week what with the all-consuming sobbing and all. So an hour before class I delved into some Renaissance Poetry (did you just throw up a little? I did).

My readings consisted of 80 sonnets about love.
80 sonnets. About love. About falling in love. About being in love. About loving love. About telling your bitch, through verse, that you love her.

Ya…Jebus is a tricksy, tricksy whore.

As if reading those 80 motherfucking sonnets wasn’t torturous enough, I then had to sit through an hour and a half of class where we discussed what the sonnets meant to us. I’m glad I didn’t get called on, because my most meaningful contribution would have been to hurl onto my desk and say “that’s what love means to me” or to throw my clipboard at someone’s jugular. There are a lot of big-headed socially retarded people in my class that I don’t think humanity would miss having around.

Also, in one week I have to give a presentation. On love sonnets. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far (I’ve put a lot of thought and effort into it):

“WHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!????? WWWWHHHHHYYYYY GGGGGOOOODDDDDD???!!!! *dry heave* IIIIIIII HAAAAAATEEEEE YOUUUUUU!!!! *swig of vodka, eyes class warily* You all can go to hell. Don’t judge me. I made some love for you right here: *throws feces*”

What do you think? Be kind – I’m fragile. Now, if only I could learn to shoot daggers out of eyes for real, I’d be all set.


1 comment:

asian cymbals said...

Oh my god, when did the break-up diaries begin? I guess 5 days ago.

I'm ashamed, so ashamed. Because I feel bad for you, but these diaries are so unbelievably entertaining and hilarious. I love them, but I do not love your pain. I'm laughing my ass off, but it's not because I don't love you. It's because I DO love you. Because you are a beautiful woman.

Oh god, make it stop make it stop!!!