Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Some Early Morning Pre-Caffeine Thoughts

I am sleepy. Seepy, if you will. I had an 8:30 class this morning, and I'm really just not a bundle of cheer and goodness in the a.m. I'm more like a bear-trap full of maggots and feces. Also, the kitten decided to play "Jump on ThePeach's Face" at 5am. When I get home, I've got a special game for him. It's called "Milo gets skewered and rotisseried over an open flame and then eaten because kitten meat is tender".

Anyway, here are some thoughts that made me smile this morning. And by "smile", I mean grimace and glare creepily out of my one open eye. That's my morning smile.

1. I am currently eating another gelatinous egg-unit sandwich from tim horton's. I don't know why. I just don't. I didn't even want one - I just felt like I needed one. And it's not even good. Yet - it gives me warm feelings deep inside. Deep inside my bowel.

2. My prof - an old, English lady - used the word "cunt" in our lecture this morning at 8:30 am. Cunt at 8:30 am...I wanted to laugh, but all I could manage at 8:30 am was a throaty cough and an eye twitch. But it was an appreciative eye twitch. I have newfound respect for her. She rocks out with her vock out.

3. As I was stumbling around in my kitchen like a blind-folded tard this morning at 7:30, I came across (teehee!) a picture that EvilBird sent me in a care package over the weekend. The care package consisted of gravol (yes!), kleenex (finally!), candy (woot!), booze (WOOT!) and a picture that she took of me when I was 16. We were at a swimming competition and thus were staying in a hotel. In the picture, I am standing over a bidet, wearing a peeling mud-mask (for the pores, bitches), and fellating a giant cucumber. Wow, turns out I was always a cracked-out whore. That picture makes me laugh out loud every time I think about it. Oh, the things we did when we were 16...did anyone else fellate vegetables while wearing facial masks and standing over bidets? TheHubby, I'm looking in your direction.

Well anyway, those are my random morning thoughts. There is now caffeine coursing through my veins and I can feel the egg-unit sliding around in my gullet, leaving a trail of sludge and decay in its wake. All is right with the world.

Oh, and I have a pooter date for lunch. Pooter = poutine, not va-j-j.

Good thing I'm taking out my rage on the treadmill or I would be one gianty fatty.



Tigercat said...

I think your professor jams out with her clam out.



The Peach said...

Ha, you are a clever little tiger. It must run in the family. And by "family" I mean "sisters", since Mom's idea of a pun is a 3-stooges impersonation. Which would then result in her having screaming night terrors, as she is afraid of the 3-stooges.

God, I hope crazies don't run in the family...

theHubby said...

HAHAHA I was not sucking off phallic veggies when I was 16! It was handjobs for hobos, not blow jobs, and a paper bag over my face, not a facial mask! Sometimes I feel like you don't even know me!