Monday, October 09, 2006

ThePeach Gets Told

I promise to do a big update on my weekend of birthday/turkey/drunk grandpa soon, but first I just need to share something that happened to me this afternoon.

After I got dropped off in Universitytown, I decided I would go for a run. The sun was shining, there was hardly any wind, and there was gravy bubbling in the ventricles of my heart. I figured some exercise was due. So, I changed into my sweats and a hot little lulu top, laced up my shoes, and trudged my way down a popular running path.

Although my lungs burned, my legs ached, my stomach was full of pie, and I was sweating like a whore in church – I felt pleased that I was getting some exercise and happy that I was able to enjoy the outdoors. I passed a sweet elderly man who was walking along the path and I smiled at him, as opposed to tripping him and pushing him into the lake like I’m sure you all imagine I do on a regular basis.

As I smiled and ran past him, he turned to me and shouted:

“YOU’LL NEVER CATCH A HUSBAND LIKE THAT!”

???!!!!

Do you think he was insulting my slow, haggard running style? Or maybe my heavy breathing? Could he smell the meat-sweats I had going on? Had my weekend of gluttony enlarged my ass to a size that deemed me un-fit for marriage? For living?

What the fuck, old man? What the fuck. Now I wish I had kicked you after-all. In the back of the knees. Where I usually kick old people.

I came home and immediately ate pie. If I’m going to die alone I might as well get my fat on.

ThePeach

4 comments:

thehippie said...

ha, hilarious! old people!

thepilot said...

So we finally see a picture of the Peach.

...I'd do you.

The Peach said...

Very funny, ThePilot. But I do appreciate your enthusiasm!

asian cymbals said...

ThePeach,

That was way too funny!! I missed you in my away state!!! Happy 24th birthday, and you're right, 24 is fucking old and I support your depression. You should just sit on the couch and eat icing and cry for two weeks. Well, no you shouldn't but if you wanted to, no one could blame you. Poor ThePeach.

If it'll make you feel any better, I'll be 27 in February, and I'm composing my suicide blog post already.

Love,
AsianCymbals