Friday, January 19, 2007

Randomness: In 4 Movements

Movement 1: A conversation with TheBoss

ThePeach: I finished enetering all those surveys for you about the sex lives of senior citizens. It only took me 2 weeks and a little piece of my soul.
TheBoss: *flips through surveys* Whoa! This woman answered "No desire for any sexual activity whatsoever"!!
ThePeach: Ya.
TheBoss: ...sounds like my wife.
ThePeach:...ya.

Movement 2: Overheard in my dank, smelly, favourite Universitytown Bar

Random Chick: Oh, god. There should be a "Smells of Universitytown" tour, and this place should be a stop.

I guess some people don't appreciate the delicate aroma of urinal pucks, yeast, and fresh death.

Movement 3: ThePeach's Uterus Makes Poor Shopping Decisions

I'm not allowed to shop when I have PMS. PMS makes me crazy. My brain says "you can't afford $80 anti-cellulite cream. Plus it won't work. Just keep going to the gym. Bitch, you put that credit card away. NOW!", but my Uterus has a different view of things...

ThePeach's Uterus: BITCH, you are so FAT. Nobody loves us! Why? Because your ass doesn't look like Kiera Knightley's! That's why! LOOK AT THAT MAGAZINE COVER! LOOK AT IT! LOOK AT HER SMALL, PERT ASS! SHE IS BETTER THAN YOU!!! SHE HASN'T EATEN IN 2 YEARS!! GOD, I HATE HER!!! *sob* Just buy the fucking cream and make me some brownies. Actually, buy that magazine, too.

Motherfuck.

Movement 4: Cleavage Finds Gash

Cleavage was in England visiting her internet lover, when she stumbled upon an adult novelty store in a dark alley. I'm not too sure what she was doing in that dark alley, but if I had to guess I'd say it involved a greased-up fist and someone's pooper. Anyway, she took a picture, knowing I would appreciate this:


Gash. They get right to the point in England, don't they?

ThePeach

2 comments:

asian cymbals said...

You bought anti cellulite cream??

What is wrong with you???

Hmm. Actually let me know if that works. I have serious cellulite. Maybe we make a date and get lipo, that could be fun. We could get lipo, then we could get cheese.

We would call it Lipocheesefest 2007.

The Nurse said...

If I wasn't on the other side of the world you know I would slap you for buying that crap and then make you return it!