Monday, February 26, 2007

ThePeach Still Has It...

So, I went to a bar with TheCrazy and TOP this weekend. We were drunk, high, and full of cheese. It was pretty typical for a Saturday. We all felt amazing and, thanks to the magical leg-warmers that TheCrazy had made for us out of saran wrap (“I feel like I could walk right through this wall now!”), we had stellar dancing powers. Seriously. Those leg warmers were precious.

Anyway, we were dancing like whores on the dance floor, and some random dude started chatting me up. Here is how he chose to hit on me:

ThePeach: I HAVE MAGICAL DANCING POWERS! STARE IN AWE AT MY LEG WARMERS OF MYSTICAL PROPERTIES!
Dude: Hey, what’s up?
ThePeach: STARE IN AWE*cough* heyyyy…nothin’.
Dude: My name is Dude.
ThePeach: *blank stare, continues to dance like whore*
Dude: Do you go to school here?
ThePeach: Used to. I graduated. *tries to dance away from him*
Dude: Well, cheers! *clinks beer bottle on my g&t glass*
ThePeach: Cheers.
Dude: So…what are we cheers’ing to?
ThePeach: Huh?
Dude: We should be cheers’ing to something.
ThePeach: Ok…
Dude: Let’s cheers to my buddy Jim. He’s a real good buddy of mine.
ThePeach: Sure, here’s to Jim *raises glass, takes sip*
Dude: He just died, like, a week ago.
ThePeach: What?
Dude: Ya, he just died. I don’t mean to be playing the sympathy card here, but he just died.
ThePeach: Oh my god!
Dude: *tries to rub up on me*
ThePeach: Oh my god!

So, that was a little weird. TOP, TheCrazy and I moved to another area of the dance floor and continued to dance like whores. TheCrazy started doing high kicks and humping the tables. TOP started humping me. It was pretty typical for a Saturday. And then, another dude started talking to me:

ThePeach: YA, HUMP IT GOOD!!
Dude: Hey, what’s up?
ThePeach: HUMP*cough* ‘sup.
Dude: Do you go to school here?
ThePeach: *sigh* no, I graduated.
Dude: Awesome, awesome. I could have gone to school here but I decided to travel.
ThePeach: Uh-huh. *dances like a whore*
Dude: Ya, I backpacked for a few years.
ThePeach: *grabs TOP desperately*
TOP: *understands signal, starts grinding my ass and feeling my knocker*
Dude: Hey!
TOP: *continues to grab my ass and feel my knocker. Slowly pushes dude away*
Dude: YOU GODDAMN COCKBLOCK!!!!
TOP: You can’t call me a cockblock; I’m a chick.
Dude: COCKBLOCK!!!
TOP: Well, I think I won.
Dude: *stares infuriatingly at us, continues to rape us with his eyes until we leave the dance floor for fear of our lives*

So, ya. I still have it.

If “it” is attracting crazy sons of bitches.

ThePeach

1 comment:

TOP said...

oh shit, was some guy hitting on you?? i had no idea, i just wanted to grind your ass and feel your knockers...*cough* uh, i mean, those girl-to-girl-help-me-ditch-this-crazy-bastard signals are awesome, i'm so glad i understand them. maybe next time you'll have to rescue me...

TOP