Thursday, May 31, 2007

ThePeach's Law

When you:

- Have to host a swanky conference for TheBoss the next day and must look business formal while you schmooze big-shots and kiss pasty ass.

- Haven't done laundry in a month.

- Drag every single article of clothing and textile you own to the dingy laundromat after work the night before the conference.

- Wind up doing 3 loads of laundry amongst the hobos and hookers who frequent your laundromat.

- Put your clothes in the dryer and then leave with TigerCat to get ice-cream.



Then:
- the Laundromat will enforce the new summer hours, and close while you are licking pure frozen lard out of a cone down the street.

- you will bang on the windows of the laundromat and swear.

- you will angrily walk home to discover that you chose to wash every single one of your towels and will probably have to dry off from your shower the next day using toilet paper and the cat.

- you discover that you chose to wash all 5000 pairs of your underwear, and will probably have to go commando to your conference the next morning. Mental note: no skirts. Mental note: avoid TheBoss.

- you stay up all night the night before your conference picturing the ex-con who runs the laundromat wearing your lacy underwear and blowing himsef kisses in his bathroom mirror.

- you toss and turn all night the night before your conference imagining the grizzled crack-whore who was loitering outside the laundromat strutting around town in your beautiful LuLu gear and butting her cigarettes on the ass of your luon pants.



These things only happen to me. Ice cream stole my clothes and angered my back-fat. I had my ass kicked twice by ice cream. And I skipped the gym to do laundry.

Angry and naked,

ThePeach

5 comments:

Billy said...

So this would be a bad time to mention what happens at the 3:17 mark of this clip:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=NxbhdbaMBfc

It is?

Oh, sorry....

the hippie said...

i have laundry at the new sublet! we can totally do laundry together any time you want!

cause friends doing laundry together is totally natural. not dykish at all. right?

theLegend said...

Sooooo.... I'm going to ask the question on everybody's mind...

It's been a week, and no update. Does that mean you're still naked?

The Peach said...

Yes. I got my clothes back, but I liked being naked so much that I decided not to wear them.

Seriously, I'm writing essays instead of blogging this week. I'm not even drinking on a friday night because I have to write essays instead. No drinking. No blogging. Essays have taken away everything that defines me...

Cleavage said...

There can still be cheese. A simple msn message, and the cheese will come to you.