Monday, June 11, 2007

ThePeach's Job is Slightly Less Glamorous than TigerCat's Job

Here is the difference between my job and my sister's job:

It's 1:00pm and TigerCat rushes into my office to say hello after running a catering event on campus. I can hear her heels approaching my office before I see her. She is wearing a pin-striped suit, dangly earrings, has her hair styled, and has a blackberry strapped to her waist.

I am wearing baggy discount capri pants and a crusty tank top. My hair is still wet from my shower. My makeup is smeared with sweat after biking to my office. My hair is askew from my bike helmet. I am sitting cross-legged and bare-foot in my chair and reading about Paris Hilton on the internet. When TigerCat enters my office, I have a plastic plate with 4 cookies on it on my lap and a hotdog hanging out of my mouth. There was a free bbq on campus and, as free food always excites me, I look pretty pleased with myself. The hotdog is literally shoved halfway down my throat. Ketchup and mustard are dripping down my hands and and my chin. I am the picture of grace and femininity.

TigerCat: *checks blackberry* I have 10 minutes left on my parking meter so I thought I'd say hi before I drive my boss' car back to work.
ThePeach: I have a bike. *swallows hotdog*
TigerCat: God, I'm sweating in this suit.
ThePeach: My bike is red. *licks ketchup off forearms*
TigerCat: I just catered a lunch for the Urology department.
ThePeach: I just ate a free hot dog. *scratches head*
TigerCat: Well, I guess I should go get the car. I see 20 empty water bottles lined up along the side of your desk?
ThePeach: *eats cookie* Ya.
TigerCat: Are they yours?
ThePeach: Ya.
TigerCat: Are you a crazy person? Are you hoarding water bottles now? Do you urinate in them and then hide them in places around the office?
ThePeach: *eats 2nd cookie* Recycling is in the hall. If I get up to recycle, I have to put my shoes on. Unless I want hepatitis.
TigerCat: So you just hoard all of your empty water bottles along the side of your desk in a perfect line until you decide to put your shoes on?
ThePeach: Ususally one of my office-mates recycles them for me. *whispers* I think my office-mates think I'm crazy...
TigerCat: *eyes water bottles warily*
ThePeach: cookie?
TigerCat: Thanks. Oops, gotta run!

And then she rushed out of my office in a whirl of pin-stripes, corporate professionalism, and judgement. I could hear her heels clicking as she ran down the hall.

It was a tasty hotdog.



Tigercat said...

Haha. Its so true, as I walked in all I see of you is your mouth devouring hotdog. It was like a snake unhinging its jaw to eat its prey. I didn't know whether to stay or go and leave you to your lunch. Seriously you were all mouth! Lucky Fauxhawk.

weeone said...

we are so sauce/condiment soulmates

Cleavage said...

I bet Tigercat won't win a lucrative sexual harassmet suit and quit work forever in ten years!

Asian Cymbals said...

Peach, your job sounds glorious. I ate a hot dog last Wednesday. It was wonderful.

I miss you.