Sunday, July 29, 2007

Something to Tide You Over

TheCrazy's Cottage Bachelorette: Adult Diaper Pyramid. The Crazy is on top. This pyramid collapsed shortly after the picture was taken, but luckily no one rolled into the fire. Good thing, too. Those diapers are damn flammable. I'm on the very bottom, right corner. I wear my diaper like a pro.

Jebus.

Hello impatient and disgruntled readers!

I am not dead. I haven't been inprisoned for punching a 4 year from the day-camp in my office in the face (yet...). I haven't fallen of my new, red bike and become a quadripalegic that can only communicate through a series of blinks and grunts. I haven't run away to Mexico with TheHubby/TheHippie to open our heart-shaped tortilla business. So, I guess I have no excuse for not updating my blog in over a month, other than:

- I have an exam on Tuesday. I'm not really studying, but I should be.
- It has been sunny. I have been working on my melanoma in my free time.
- Harry Potter 7 came out and that took over my life for a while. I also lined up at midnight with a group of fuggly teenagers wearing capes and brandishing wands. Accio dignity!
- I have been planning my shitshow of a trip to Europe with TigerCat. We leave in less than a month! I have no sense of direction and TigerCat has a finicky asshole. The Croatian language has no vowels. Should be awesome times!
- Facebook is taking over my life.
- So is "Hell's Kitchen" and "Wife Swap"
- My muffin regime finally caught up with me and I've been spending a lot of time in the gym to stave off the chins. I love that fat has an evolution. At 18, fat went mostly to the thighs. At 21, we discovered the "new" fat - the back fat. And now what I eat goes mainly to the jowels and bingo-wings. I am a creature of mysterious beauty.
- Work? I guess I still go there and stuff.

So, thank you for all of the threatenting messages. I promise I will update soon. I have plenty of stories. Like TheCrazy's bachelorette, where I wore an adult diaper and saw TheCrazy's vagine. And the upcoming TheCrazy/TheCastrato wedding, which words will not even be able to describe. I'll just have to post a picture of TheCrazy, naked except for her veil, zooming off in a golf cart and let your imaginations tell you the rest. Seriously, I imagine that something along those lines will happen. Probably because I'll suggest it.

I am off to the gym to work off another brunch courtesy of my grandpa, who almost killed us 5 times on the drive to the restaurant by stopping at green lights and stopping mid-turn at a busy intersection. I may vomit my bacon-course onto the treadmill, but the jowels! The jowels! And it's not like I'm going to stop eating fatty meats any time soon.

Fuck that. That's no way to live.

ThePeach