Monday, October 01, 2007

Overheard in Universitytown

Hello, bitches! I'm not dead! There are many more updates coming your way soon. I swear in the name of cheese and sex, and all other things holy.

Here is something to get the ball rolling.

Last week I was walking on campus when I overheard this gem:

leggings-clad girl #1: Carly is getting fat, right? Like, do you think Carly is fat? *flips hair*
leggings-clad girl #2: Fat for a cheerleader? *sends a text message on her magenta razr*
leggings-clad girl #1: No, fat for a person. *presses carefully-glossed lips together*
leggings-clad girl #2: *thinks carefully* She's definitely cheerleader-fat.
leggings-clad girl #1: For sure she is. *sighs*
leggings-clad girl #2: That's really unfortunate. For Carly.

And then, in a whiff of Chanel perfume, they walked around the corner and out of my life forever.

God bless you, Universitytown. Only here would a person weighing more than 90 pounds be considered fat. It's girls like this that keep Universitytown so thin, hot, bulimic, and leggings-clad. These girls are like modern day heroes, really.

I'm going to write to the mayor and suggest that we erect a bronze statue picturing a 90-pound girl in leggings and uggs carrying a massive prada purse, with a cell phone in one hand and a stack of laxatives in the other. We should place it in front of city hall with a plaque on the front that says "Universitytown: Hate Yourself."

I'm going to kick some bony ass as soon as I finish my muffin.



asian cymbals said...

You know the last time leggings were cool? When we were in grade school, and our Moms wore leggings and loose Northern Reflections/Roots t-shirts/sweatshirts?

My Mom and all the women of her age who wore leggings with loose comfortable sweaters all those years swear by all that's mathematical and Chinese that the leggings ruined their waistlines. Since they are stretchy and comfortable, they had absolutely no corset effect whatsoever. My mother regrets not wearing jeans and other such stiff pants, that would have forced the flesh of her midsection to conform to the shape of said pants.

These skinny girls will live to regret their leggings. Because they will not be skinny forever, and when their metabolisms slow down, their leggings will be no defense against the onslaught of age and a bitter vengeful God. Unless of course, leggings go out of fashion by then.

I'm sorry, I just fucking hate leggings.

Anonymous said...

Dear thePeach

My GF just bought leggings and wore them the other day. Does this mean she is preparing to get fat or is simply being fashionable?


Confused in UniversityTown

Tania said...

i don't know what i hate more - leggings or skinny jeans... especially on men - ick!

The Peach said...

Dear Confused,

You're wrong in being nervous. This is Univeristytown! There are no fatties here! If your gf bought leggings it is because she is a slave to unfortunate fashion. And thin. The slut.

Unless your gf is Carly.