Thursday, November 01, 2007

ThePeach Gets a Visitor at Work

I have been dying to blog about this for days, but unfortunately I have been up to my asshole in essays and have literally not had an extra second available. But now that I have handed in my paper and not slept in about 4 days, I will gleefully attempt to convey the scene from last Monday to you.

10am. I had just walked into my office with a massive tea in hand. I sat down and turned on my computer. I had gotten 4 hours of sleep the night before thanks to the massive procrastination of my essays for the past 2 weeks which culminated in the manic writing of scores of bullshit while hooked up to a constant caffiene drip. I was cranky. I was still fuzzy-eyed.

As I suckled on the sweet teat of tim hortons and opened my favourite celebrity gossip web pages, a disheveled looking woman wandered into my office and stared at me blankly. She scratched her head, sending her short hair into further disarray, and continued to stare at me with her bug-eyes.

I wasn't alarmed. My office is right next to the main door to the building, so I often get lost and confused people in my office asking me for directions. These people are usually stretch-pant clad undergrad whores, however, and this woman may have been wearing alarmingly tight acid-washed jeans with zippers at the ankle, but her face full of wrinkles and fresh scent of homelessness clued me into thinking that I was not dealing with an undergrad. However, she was still probably just lost, so I asked her if I could help her find something. What followed was one of my more interesting work conversations.

ThePeach: Do you need directions?
Lady: ...*scratch*...is this...er...*cough*...do you do psychology?
ThePeach:...I work for the psychology department.
Lady:...*tugs on denim vest*...er...what can you tell me about my nervous system?
ThePeach: I'm sorry?
Lady: The brain...and nervous system...can you help me with my case? *starts looking in all the corners of the room*
ThePeach: Maybe try the main office. Upstairs.
Lady: They can't help me.
ThePeach: Go there anyway. *starts getting annoyed*
Lady: I used to be an alcoholic...would my...er...memory be affected?
ThePeach: Maybe. No. I don't know. Yes.
Lady: I like your office.
ThePeach: ...I'm just going to make a quick phone call to my boss.
Lady: No...that's not necessary. *cough*...can you help me with my nervous system? *sits in a chair and pulls it up to where she is sitting within an inch of my face*
ThePeach: *tries to recall any memory of self-defence moves/remembers that she never went to that self-defence class because she was hungover* I don't think I can help you.
Lady: Somebody put a computer chip in my brain.
ThePeach:...right.
Lady: Somebody put a computer chip in my brain and I need help getting it out.
ThePeach: ...try the main office. Upstairs.

So, the scary lady stayed in my office for another 15 minutes, talking in her monotone voice about her nervous system, until another woman walked into my office, took the lady by the arm, and led her away. I can't be too sure what the fuck happened, but it might have had something to do with jebus knowing that I have a blog and wanting to give me interesting material.

ThePeach

6 comments:

T said...

LOL - you've got a knack for attracting the crazies... then again, so do I - I'm friends with you, aren't I?!?! ;P

I just noticed, you need to update your age in your 'About me' on your blog... you're old now. ;)

The Peach said...

You take that back, slut. I'll cut you.

asian cymbals said...

Bwahahahahaaa!!! You should have messed with her:

"There is nothing anybody can do - if we try to remove the chip from your brain, it's going to explode. Not only that, it's WIRED to your nervous system, and the synapses triggered by the explosion will cause a chain reaction wherein your whole body will explode from your nerves out. The best thing you can do for yourself is to relax and try not to feel - ever again."

Next time, leave the room like I told you!! Dumb girl.

thepilot said...

Hahahaha you KNOW what ran through my mind when your first blog post after yet another late night conversation on MSN was about you getting 'a visitor' at work.

All I can be is sad that it wasn't...you know.

curious cat said...

Haha, that's awesome. I love crazy people. Seriously though. What happened with Fauxhawk's costume? Are you going to blog and post a picture? What did you go as? :)

Anonymous said...

ThePeach gets a visitor at work, and Pit fans rejoice!