Tuesday, April 15, 2008

ThePeach Writes Exams; Material Presents Itself

Hello, friends.

Now that I'm finally finished pulling pretentious bullshit out of my ass, a.k.a writing English Lit essays, I am into the final stretch: exams.

Before I get into that, I should give a quick shout-out to our Lord Cheesus for having my prof assign me the following topic for my last term paper: "How do the authors of the 1920 Harlem Renaissance represent the "Negro" in their work? Do they conceptualize a "new Negro"? If so, what do they see as the future for the New Negro?"

Oh how I love an excuse to use the word "Negro" in an English essay. I used it as much as I possibly could, ie. every single sentence. Even when unnecessary, like in the sentence: "The symbolism in this NEGRO phrase clearly articulates the author's NEGRO opinion that NEGRO equality must be the NEGRO goal NEGRO." Maybe I exaggerate. Or maybe I should have asked my grandpa to write the essay for me? I'm sure he could have also tied in some relevant opinions about "orientals" and "the arabians."

So anyway, essays aside, I wrote my first exam last Friday. I was pretty nervous since I only read the textbook for the first time the night before, and even then I skipped over all the "boring" poems, which comprised about 75% of the required readings. So, I walk into the exam room, slip off my coat, wipe the fear-sweat off my forehead, grip my pen, and look around. I noticed some instructions on the black-board at the front of the exam room. I blinked. Could this be right? I looked again. Yep, the instruction on the blackboard, written in large capital letters and triple underlined, read as such:

"NO AIDS ALLOWED"

Cheesus strikes again!

Wow, I mean come on exam proctors. I know you mean no study aids allowed, but maybe you should have included a qualifier and perhaps considered not using capital letters. I briefly considered going to the front of room and asking to speak to the proctor:

"Excuse me...about the instructions on the board? Well, I haven't had a blood test in a while, and I'm pretty sure I'm clean but I can't be positive...am I allowed to be here?"

or

"Does it have to be full-blown AIDS or does HIV count, too?"

or

"I received tainted blood in the 80s. I can't write this exam."

So, to conclude, between the NEW NEGRO and the AIDS, English Literature is a hoot!

ThePeach

2 comments:

Weeone said...

I heart the addition of the Family Guy photo :)

"you've got AIDS.. not just HIV but full-blown AIDS"

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