The brain ninjas attack without warning, kung-fu’ing all over my cortex and judo-chopping my synapses. They hiiii-yah my lobes in my sleep.
There are about 30 brain ninjas working on me right now, and the result is not pretty. I’m in a shit-fucking-awful mood. You would be too if you had brain ninjas.
I read somewhere that creative/artistic people are more sensitive than regular people. One quote I really enjoy is that “artists are lightning rods for human emotion” – we not only have to be more in touch with our own range of emotions in order to create meaningful work, but we tend to be more sensitive and empathetic to the moods of others around us, as well. Lightning rods. In other words, if you’re in a piss mood, try standing next to a creative person. They’ll suck the piss right out of you.
(side note: heh)
You know I’m right. Look at some of our most valued artists: Anne Sexton tried to kill herself 3 times before she successfully oven’ed her head. Virgina Woolf walked into a river with weights tied to her feet. Van Gogh cut off his own fucking ear. Some people might label these people as depressed, but I know better.
They were all suffering from undiagnosed BRAIN NINJAS. Anne Sexton didn’t want to die – she wanted to smoke the fuckers out. Virginia Woolf was just trying to drown the judo-chopping assholes. And Van Gogh? He was probably trying to tunnel his way to the ninjas to declare full-fledge kung fu WARFARE. I wonder how many undiagnosed cases there are out there? How come there’s no “walk for the cure” for brain ninjas? No pledge forms to stop nunchuck attacks? Not even a single bake sale to support the eradication or throwing-stars? I’m going to start printing t-shirts: “SAVE THE ARTISTS! SUPPORT THE AEBN (Association for the Eradication of Brain Ninjas) TODAY!”
Luckily, I am aware of one treatment option: hilarious internet videos which exploit amputees, the elderly, and the incarcerated. If you feel yourself suffering from brain ninjas, I would seriously recommend the following treatment dosage (repeat as needed):