Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Joys of Work

I took a brief (ie. 1 hour) break from data entry and paper editing today to have an msn conversation with my good friend ThePilot. I was going slightly bat-shit from hours of repetitive, mindless work, and a total lack of natural light and/or fresh air. I knew ThePilot would talk me off the ledge.

ThePeach: ThePilot, I need stimulation.
ThePilot: I’m your man!
ThePeach: Mental stimulation.
ThePilot:…totally knew that’s what you meant.
ThePeach: Please, help a bitch out. I’m dying. I beg you to entertain me.

So, ThePilot engaged me in some talk about the tv show “The Office,” and I sent him a picture off the lab website of TheBoss to show him just how eerie the resemblance to the character Michael Scott is.

ThePilot: OH MY GOD
ThePeach: I know! It’s terrifying!
ThePilot: HOLY SHIT!
ThePeach: FEEL MY PAIN. FEEL IT!
ThePilot: IT FEELS LIKE A BAG OF WET, MUSHY SAND!
ThePeach: WITH SHARDS OF GLASS IN IT!
ThePilot: Hey, there are other pics on your lab website.
ThePeach: Oh, ya. I’m in some of them. I look murderous.
ThePilot: Holy shit, is this a picture of your office??
ThePeach: Yep. Isn’t it depressing?
ThePilot: This is the most depressing thing I’ve ever seen. Seriously, I’m surprised you haven’t jumped yet.
ThePeach: I don’t have a window. At this point, we both became so overwhelmed with the bleakness of my office that we were inspired to write a series of spontaneous Haikus to capture our emotions. Here they are. I call this series “Spontaneous Overflow of Powerful Feelings: My Office”:

festering warren
filled with spite, malice...rancour
I hate you so much
- ThePilot

stark unpadded cell
my spirit screams at data
burn it to the ground
- ThePeach

I have met shit stains
that bring me more happiness
than my place of work
- ThePilot

Data keeps coming
I interpret words of man
1 1 0 1 0
- ThePeach

the light, it burns me;
fluorescent, flickering hate
please god, kill me now
- ThePilot

Windowless labyrinth
Tim Hortons: my trail of crumbs
Eat your way to light
- ThePeach

the soul has no worth
we are no more than numbers
me: psychologist
- ThePilot

TheBoss: my warden
Brings me stale bread and water
Eats it while I watch
- ThePeach

I’d really like to apologize if any of you killed yourselves whilst reading those. Please don’t haunt me.

I’m going to finish off with one final haiku:

Peek into my day
Don’t you wish you worked here, too?
Feel my pain, bitches

ThePeach

2 comments:

soup na(t)zi said...

those are probably the best repressive work related haiku's that i've had the pleasure of reading, i thank you for 4 minutes of joy :)

TM said...

I see the idea for a book in this blog entry... I'll give you credit *ahem*, cause when friends turn friends onto good ideas (especially ones involve statistical stalking tools) they give each other credit ;) LOL