ThePeach: ThePilot, I need stimulation.
ThePilot: I’m your man!
ThePeach: Mental stimulation.
ThePilot:…totally knew that’s what you meant.
ThePeach: Please, help a bitch out. I’m dying. I beg you to entertain me.
So, ThePilot engaged me in some talk about the tv show “The Office,” and I sent him a picture off the lab website of TheBoss to show him just how eerie the resemblance to the character Michael Scott is.
ThePilot: OH MY GOD
ThePeach: I know! It’s terrifying!
ThePilot: HOLY SHIT!
ThePeach: FEEL MY PAIN. FEEL IT!
ThePilot: IT FEELS LIKE A BAG OF WET, MUSHY SAND!
ThePeach: WITH SHARDS OF GLASS IN IT!
ThePilot: Hey, there are other pics on your lab website.
ThePeach: Oh, ya. I’m in some of them. I look murderous.
ThePilot: Holy shit, is this a picture of your office??
ThePeach: Yep. Isn’t it depressing?
ThePilot: This is the most depressing thing I’ve ever seen. Seriously, I’m surprised you haven’t jumped yet.
ThePeach: I don’t have a window. At this point, we both became so overwhelmed with the bleakness of my office that we were inspired to write a series of spontaneous Haikus to capture our emotions. Here they are. I call this series “Spontaneous Overflow of Powerful Feelings: My Office”:
filled with spite, malice...rancour
I hate you so much
stark unpadded cell
my spirit screams at data
burn it to the ground
I have met shit stains
that bring me more happiness
than my place of work
Data keeps coming
I interpret words of man
1 1 0 1 0
the light, it burns me;
fluorescent, flickering hate
please god, kill me now
Tim Hortons: my trail of crumbs
Eat your way to light
the soul has no worth
we are no more than numbers
TheBoss: my warden
Brings me stale bread and water
Eats it while I watch
I’d really like to apologize if any of you killed yourselves whilst reading those. Please don’t haunt me.
I’m going to finish off with one final haiku:
Peek into my day
Don’t you wish you worked here, too?
Feel my pain, bitches