Sunday, May 25, 2008

Just Another Reason

You know when you binge on an entire large movie-popcorn the night before, so you wake up and have massive movie-popcorn gunt-bloat, so you squeeze into your lulu pants and trundle sadly off to the gym, and when you get there you look in the mirror and pat at your bloat wistfully, and then you decide that maybe you’ll adjust your ponytail before you start the sweatin’, and while you’re winding the elastic around your hair the elastic snaps and breaks, and then you spend 15 minutes digging through the balled-up receipts and mouldy socks in your gym bag trying to find a spare elastic, and you find zero elastics but approximately 37 bobby pins, and you contemplate going home because you just CAN’T do the sweatin’ without your hair pulled back, but then your popcorn-baby gives you a kick in the gunt (ooh! He’s gonna be a fighter!), so you determinedly start jabbing at your head with the 37 bobby pins until all of your hair is pulled back, but you look like some kind of hobo-medusa creature, and you’re so very ashamed of your appearance, especially compared to the perfectly lulu’d gym whores with their sleek tresses pulled back with lulu headbands, so you exercise on the elliptical in the very back corner of the gym in the hopes that no one sees you, and the more you bounce on the elliptical the more your medusa-hobo hair starts slipping out of the 37 bobby pins, so by the time you’re finished working out you look like a medusa-hobo creature who just got tossed around in the spin-cycle of the washing machine, and when you’re finally done the sweatin’ and have hopefully aborted the movie-popcorn gunt-baby you brave the public once more to walk to the Food Basics, and then they’re out of FUCKING BAGELS???!!!

God, how I hate exercising.


1 comment:

Cleavage said...

This story might be more tragic if I didn't know that food basics is across the road from your gym. Although it is across the road in the OPPOSITE direction of home...