Friday, July 11, 2008

ThePeach Has Unfortunate Flashbacks; Hangover

I rolled into work at 11:30 today with the hangover of Hades and the smell of gin emanating out of my every pore. Last night wasn’t supposed to be wild, but it just kind of morphed into one of those wonderful nights where everyone gets gunned and pretends they don’t have jobs to go to the next day. My memory of the night is a little blurry, but I know that it was fun. Despite feeling like roadkill today, I regretted nothing up until 10 minutes ago. And then…the flashbacks started. So far only a few have surfaced, but they’re good ones:

1) I know that I ate some fries last night, but I couldn’t quite remember how that came about. Now I remember that when FauxHawk went to the bathroom I sat down at a table of strangers and ate all of the fries off of their snack platter. I think I made some friends.

2) I know I woke up with cheese under my fingernails today, but I couldn’t quite remember how that came about. Now I remember that TheCastrato ordered nachos, and I scraped all of the crispy cheese off of the plate with my fingers and sucked it down like it was my last meal. I think I made myself look attractive.

(editor’s note: I have been working out A LOT lately, and I have been dieting. I guess Ginny does not approve of my recent life choices)

3) I know I had sex last night, but I couldn’t quite remember how that came about. Now I remember that, as soon as I walked into FauxHawk’s apartment, I stripped naked and galloped around the room trying to whip him with a leather belt. I think I made him fall in love with me all over again.

4) I know I got an email alert telling me I received a new facebook message from my personal trainer/baby prostitute, but I’m not sure how that came about. Then I checked my facebook messaging history and found out that I sent him the following message last night:

“Hey Greg. You know what sucks? Drunk + Can’t move arms. I hate you. See you Tuesday. ThePeach.”

I think I wrote this while FauxHawk was tending to his belt wounds.

So, that was my Thursday night. I should have no problem making friends in CapitalCity. I’m so loveable and charming.

A big thanks to OfficeMate for bringing me some McNuggets today. You deserve the nobel peace prize. I love you.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

After you're gone, who's going to eat McNuggets with me? :(
Please don't leave me Peach!