Monday, September 01, 2008

The New Chapter: Capital City

I moved this weekend. UniversityTown and its screaming, one-armed hobos are now a relic of my past. I’m kind of sad about it. I’ll miss those hobos.

I only have a minute because I start school tomorrow morning and I should probably sleep or something since I have to be up at the crack of fucking dawn. And I’ve already been up to my ass in work for the course I’m TA’ing. Grad school is hard. Who knew? I'm tired. But here are some quick highlights about my first weekend in CapitalCity:

- FauxHawk was very helpful with the moving, unpacking, and settling process. I already miss him. Also, he bought me a present and gave me the sex. Good boyfriend.

- I finally found out my TA assignment for the year. For some godforsaken reason I have been assigned to TA a fourth year seminar class in International Affairs Reporting. HAHAHA. God help these students. I have to pick their reading list, and most of the sources will be coming from If Britney Spears’ vagina isn’t considered an international affair, I don’t what is.
- I went to some lame pizza party for new grad students today. On the way there I walked through a huge puff of pot smoke. I might like this campus.

- I made a friend! We went for a jog along the water after the pizza party. I ran for 6km, bitches! Perhaps CapitalCity will equal skinny, lithe, muscular Peach? Or not, since my grandpa and Dad have done nothing but feed me since I got here. It’s like they’re in a testosterone-riddled battle royale to prove who is the better father figure, and their weapons are food. I’m not sure who’s winning yet. My Grandpa took me out for steak, but my Dad bought me a supply of chips, cookies, and kraft dinner. Close one.

- While I was running, I passed a man on a bike. He yelled at me to keep to the right of the path. I guess I met the CapitalCity bike path patrolman. Next time I’ll demand to see his badge.

- There are 3 derelicts who sit outside my building all day. One sits in a wheel chair and drinks beer, one wears short-shorts, and the other has a perfectly formed mullet. Seriously, it is the most beautiful mullet I have ever seen. He takes pride in his work.

- Yesterday, before FauxHawk left, we went for a walk to the video store. On the way, a disheveled looking hobo stumbled out of a parking lot, looked right at me, leered, and said “You are fucking done”. The hobos are already talking to me.

I’m home.



Tania said...

Aw, you're making me homesick!!!

Good luck with your first day of school, not that you'll need it. :)

derek said...

Oh how I missed your blog. Why did I stop reading such brilliance? This post reminded me of zoolander and while I read about the derelict in the short shorts I was hoping you'd make some reference to him to dere-lick your balls. :)