Monday, September 08, 2008

UniversityTown University vs. CapitalCity University Part 1: Uggs vs. Fugs

I feel like I just fell ass-first into the Land of Oz. I’m like Dorothy, but surlier and with bigger jugs. I’ve been living in UniversityTown for so fucking long that I forgot that there’s more to the world than rich, obnoxious, pop-tarts* who carry prada bags and drive around campus in Daddy’s range rover so that they don't scuff their uggs. There are…how do I say…diversities here. Poor people. Brown people. Hippies. Ugly people. Disabled people. Ugly people who are also disabled. Brown Hippies. We had none of this in UniversityTown University. In 8 years, I don’t think I saw a single student in a wheel chair. We had a campus accessibility program, but I think it was to cater to one blind chick. One blind chick who was, of course, rich and beautiful. I have probably gone a good 4 years without talking to an African-American, and now there are 5 in my class of 21 people. Just as an example.

Now that I have some perspective, I can honestly say that UniversityTown University is BULL.SHIT. And it almost ruined me! Here, I’m considered a label whore! Me, ThePeach, a label whore! Because I own Lulus and Guess Jeans. I have entered a bizarro world, bitches. On my first day of class I carried my books and snacks in a giant lulu shopping bag and had the following conversation with 3 girls as we sat down:

ThePeach: Oh, I like your purse! Is that Nelson Mandela on the front?
Classmate1: Thanks. Yep, I bought it at a market when I was volunteering in South Africa this summer.
ThePeach: Ah.
Classmate2: That’s cool! Mine is from Namibia and is made from the recycled plastic ties they use to hold newspapers together.
ThePeach: Wow.
Classmate3: That’s so awesome! Mine is made from recycled plastic bottles in Belize!
Classmate1: What’s your bag, Peach?
ThePeach:…I have to go to the bathroom.

AND I’m, like, attractive here. This is unusual for me after going to a school where girls get weekly facials (heh), wear designer heels to class, and spend their weekends in the Muskokas. But people here have gunts. They wear unfortunate clothing. They have bad hair days. Some have acne. Some are “mentally disabled” (see?? See how I learn??). I am a stone fox.

I think the most perfect example occurred today as I was running errands on campus after class. I was buying yet another motherfucking textbook when I stumbled across a food stand in the university center. It was sponsored by the food bank. First of all, even if we had a food bank at UnivesityTown University, there are literally NO POOR STUDENTS who would use it. The students there scoff at canned foods and unglamorous charity. Here in CapitalCity, we are all poor and encouraged to use the service. So, I looked at the program they were advertising: cheap, locally grown produce baskets. For 10 bucks you can order a food basket containing locally grown, seasonal fruits and vegetables. So, I did. Now my bank account is negative 910 dollars, but no scurvy for me! AND, to thank me for signing up, the people running the program made me a free smoothie!

SO, to tally, in one instance I observed 3 qualities I have never seen on UniversityTown campus:

1. Service for poor students
2. Environmental and sustainability-conscious planning that is also non-profit
3. Free hippy food

And, I saved the best for last:

The girl who made my smoothie only had one leg.

WHAT THE SHIT IS UP WITH THIS AWESOME SCHOOL??!!! I’m having diversity overload. I need to lie down and maybe wear my lulus for a while to get back to baseline.

Ok, I can’t lie to you: the smoothie-making amputee scared the hell out of me and I couldn't stop staring at her peg-leg. I’m still your same old, charming Peach.


*wicked term courtesy of my friend, Pretty: the prettiest man I know.


Tania said...

Now you understand why I suddenly became retardedly neurotic and insecure when I spent that 24hours in UniversityTown - seriously, that place is one warped little microcosm of everything that's wrong in this world. There's no way to leave that town without body dismorphic disorder and an eating disorder. K, rant over. ;)

thehippie said...

but its the best place for a good fucking party, thats for sure.

Untitled said...

And the procrastination begins...

The Peach said...

shutup, untitled!'s true. I have 230 pages to read by tomorrow. Instead I choose this.

Anonymous said...

Hi, I've been trying to look up your blog about your friend's ex-boyfriend with bad smegma to show my friend's current boyfriend. We've sifted through most of the months (from May 2007), but to no avail. Where is it?

The Peach said...

Smegma, eh? I think you're thinking of Asian Cymbal's blog. I would never let a friend date a guy with smegma.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like a hell of a time over there! You seem to have this unexplainable bond with hobos!
Look into purchasing those seaweed/bamboo (?) Lulus...then you'll fit in!

-Mo & Jill

The Peach said...

JMo: I've added seaweed lulus to my birthday list. Love you sassy girls.

Sonya said...

I had no idea that University Town was so closed, nor any idea that you had positive things to say about the Capital City's campus. LOL.