Wednesday, October 22, 2008

More Reporting FAIL

Today we had a court assignment. I spent the entire day in CapitalCity court, where I wore actual pants, shot-gunned coffee during every recess, and took down 16 pages of illegible scrawl which I must now turn into a brilliant article. We’ll see about that.

The case itself was pretty cool. In a nutshell, a wee Vietnamese man is accused of running a marijuana grow-op in the city. One of the perks of the trial was learning how exactly to run a fool-proof grow-op. I literally know exactly what steps I need to take to embark on this enterprise; including the chemicals required, amount of energy needed, and exact administrative duties that must be completed by each person on my team. This is even more fool-proof than the time TheHippie and I learned how to distill our own vodka out of potatoes in our undergrad “addictive behaviours” class. Seriously. They even gave us a diagram.

Well anyway, the wee Vietnamese man is totally screwed. He has no case. But he’s so little and cute that I just want to give him a hug and maybe ask for the contact info of a good dealer.

After court got out for the day, members of our class gathered around the court documents like vultures over a bloated corpse. There is only 1 copy of the document we all needed, and we were all ready to throw punches and cut faces to access it. At one point MortalCombat got her nimble little hands on the document, and I jokingly shouted out to her:


And that’s when the wee Vietnamese man stepped out from behind her.

He was so little that I didn’t see him lurking about behind her.

He absolutely heard me and so did everyone else.

I just shouted “RUN!!!” to the accused in a drug trial. Inside the court.

Reporting FAIL.

Also, I thought the judge’s first name was “Justice” for a good 6 hours today. I kept thinking “wow, how ironic that he became a judge.” Turns out his name is Alfred Roberts. Justice is the title. I should probably not be a court reporter.

I also experienced a Life FAIL this weekend when I meant to study but somehow wound up drinking for 12 straight hours, did 6 tequila shots in a row, and then danced on the counter of a shwarma hut.

I can’t decide if I’m awesome or if I should be put down.



Tania said...

Your future career in journalism might be questionable, but your blog has definitely gotten better since you started this adventure!

Take care of your liver ... you might want it later ;P

weeone said...

i love the family guy photo :)

thehippie said...

things i remember about addictive behaviours class: how to make a distillery, that movie with woody harrleson praising the mary-j, picture of a cock ring in the slide presentation. how didn't we ace this course?? oh right, we sat beside each other and drew gossip-comics the entire time.

Cleavage said...

I don't know if that's reporting fail so much as impartiality fail...or is it a reporting fail because you didn't get it on video? because that video would be hilarious, especially the cut to your face when you realized what you'd just said.