Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Reporting FAIL.

So, of course I never read the instructions to my complicated voice recorder. Have I ever read an instruction book in my life? Of course not, sillies. As for my recording device, I just mash the buttons until it starts recording, mash buttons to make it stop, and then jam the jabby end into my computer to make noises happen. Easy.

Today we had a press conference. It is necessary to record these so that I can stick the jabby end of my recorder into my laptop so that I can write down what the voices say for my article (which, btw, is due in 5 hours). So in class, while the prof was lecturing, I covertly pulled out my recorder to change the batteries in preparation for the conference. Multi-tasking is key. I inserted new batteries and stealthily turned on the recorder to make sure it was working. It appeared to be on, but to make sure I pressed “menu.” It seemed like a safe button. And that was when TheHippie’s drunk voice came booming out of the recorder, filling the silent classroom with the sounds of her throaty voice as I recorded it “for fun” last Friday.

Professor: And so, when reporting on crime scenes, make sure to never imply guilt until-
Recorder/TheHippie: I SAW, LIKE, THIS COMMERCIAL ONCE!
ThePeach: Oh god!!
Recorder/TheHippie: FOR, LIKE, MICROPHONES AND STUFF!
Professor: *cough*
ThePeach: *starts mashing buttons furiously*
Recorder/TheHippie: YOU CAN USE IT AT THE OFFICE TO FIND OUT WHO LIKES YOU!
ThePeach: AH! Why won’t it stop?? *mashes buttons*
Recorder/TheHippie: YOU CAN USE IT WHEN YOU’RE OLD TO LISTEN TO THE TV!
Spaz: Press “stop,” idiot!
Professor: um…
Recorder/TheHippie: WE-E-E-EIRD! IT’S LIKE REALLY CREEPY!
ThePeach: Shutup, Spaz! *slams recorder onto desk* WHY??
Recorder/TheHippie: BECAUSE IT PICKS UP CONVERSATION FROM SO FAR AWAY!
ThePeach: *finally locates stop button* Oh, wow. Ok. Sorry about that.
Professor: *eyeballs Peach* Also, never report the name of a young offender-
Spaz: *whispers* Wow. You’re stupid. That is totally something I would have done.
ThePeach: *whispers* Shutup, Spaz.

So, ya. Not a great start. It was a small consolation that Spaz was later publicly humiliated by the same prof for mis-spelling Stephen Harper in her last article.

Reporting FAIL.

Also, I would say blogging instead of writing the article that’s due in less than 5 hours also = Reporting FAIL.

I'm gonna quit and get a job at Quiznos.

ThePeach

2 comments:

Sonya said...

Geeenius.

Not your actions. The way you retold the story.

Amy said...

These friends you have - they're, like, brilliant. And I mean, like, you are, too.