Friday, November 28, 2008

Awww, Baby!

Most people respond to the jealous reactions of their significant others with anger. For some, extreme jealous reactions have been the cause of breakups.

Not me. I react to FauxHawk's jealousy with joy, giddiness, and the warm glow of affection. Maybe this is because FauxHawk has been jealous maybe three times in 4 and a half years of dating me and I read these rare flashes as signs that, yes, he luuurves me.

I guess his lack of jealousy can be interpreted as supportive behaviour. He reads my blog and thus follows my whorish antics, and his only response is "very nice." He sits back and quietly supervises while I aggressively molest my female friends. He leaves me to my own devices when groups of mens start hitting on me in bars, and assumes that I can take care of myself. When I dance on tables and take my top off, he's always there with a camera and a supportive nod. I guess this is a nice thing. A mature thing.

But I crave the jealousy. I do.

Today, I got a phone call from the 'Hawk after he read my lesbianism blog. He had nothing to say about my glaring examples of dyke infedelity and what might be a future propensity to dive into muff. No, that was all fine. He was upset about my character side bar, or the "Who the hell am I talking about?" section, because he got bumped down for my j-school friends.

FauxHawk: I can't believe you bumped me down!!!
ThePeach: Really??
FauxHawk: I just...I can't believe I'm not at the top anymore!
ThePeach: But it doesn't mean anything!
FauxHawk: I can't believe you put me below your J-school friends!
ThePeach: I'll put it back! I can make it right!
FauxHawk: No. I don't want a pity ranking. No. Don't you dare. I don't even care.
ThePeach: Wait...are you...jealous?
ThePeach: I'm so in love with you. SO IN LOVE!

Aw. Baby. I love you. The bumping meant nothing! You're still at the top of the list in my mind, mainly because you give me the sexing.

And now I would like to sing you a song from the classic musical "Anything Goes" to earn your forgiveness:

You're the top! You're the Colosseum.
You're the top! You're the Louvre Museum.
You're a melody from a symphony by Strauss
You're a Bendel bonnet,
A Shakespeare's sonnet,
You're Mickey Mouse.
You're the Nile,
You're the Tower of Pisa,
You're the smile on the Mona Lisa
I'm a worthless check,
a total wreck, a flop,
But if, baby, I'm the bottom you're the top!

And now I must be on my way to drink jager-bombs and sing karaoke. Also, I am wearing leggings again. Help.



Spaz said...


AsianCymbals said...

Hey Hawk, you should know that one time Peach and I sang that song to each other via MSN. It's not even really a song for you. It's for me.