Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Haikus are a hoot

I'm too tired to write an actual update, so here is a series of haikus I wrote in class today when I should have been listening to a talk on multimedia something something. Oops. I call the series "What happened to you?" and hope that it will shed some light onto why I've been bad at keeping in touch lately with my B.J. (Before Journalism...or Blow Job, depending on who you are and how I paid for that pot) friends. I heart you?

Loeb: I pine for thee.
Can I live on Jiffy Pop?
Hey, I lost five pounds.

I cleared out my bar
Even drank the Baby Duck
(I was aging it)

Sixty Globe and Mails
Cat thinks they’re his litter box
I should throw those out.

Who remembers sleep?
Sultry temptress; cocky tease
Have your way with me.

Midnight: corner store
Red-bull, margarine, cup-o-soup
That should do the trick.

Mortal Combat. Spaz.
Triplets. Soulmates. Crazy whores.
Text me every hour.

Spaz said “cunt” in class
I dared her to bring it up
Puppet-master pleased.

Heart races; hands shake
Four coffee cups on my desk.
I don't like Fridays.

MC proved her name
When she judo-kicked my hand
In the parking lot

Dishes festering
Mouldy plates and coffee mugs
I smell like old man.

Drink a box of wine
Pass out spooned with your laptop
Wake up infertile.

That last one was inspired by the real-life events of my beautiful friend HotMess.

Ok. This was a lame post, but I'm sneepy. So very sneepy. Maybe I'll squeeze in a wee nap before I head to the bar with my class to watch the election results and shoot Jager-Obombas. Get it? Get it?! Wee! Puns!

Ya. Nap.



thehippie said...

REPORTING FAIL. spelling error: for future references to jager-obamas, Yager is actually Jager, those wacky germans. i only know this because it is my lifeblood. happy obama day everyone!

Sonya said...

The very best of a very great number of haiku lines:
"I was aging it."
"Puppet master is pleased."
"Wake up infertile."