Monday, November 17, 2008

How to Succeed in Journalism

Scene: 10:55pm. Massive deadline due by morning. Hours of sleep in past 24 hours = 2. Story started yet = nay.

ThePeach picks up her cell phone.

*ring!*

Spaz: Hello?
ThePeach: DO YOU HAVE RED BULL?
Spaz: No.
ThePeach: WILL YOU COME TO THE LEBANESE MINIMART WITH ME?
Spaz: No.
ThePeach: *click*

*ring!*

MortalCombat: Hello?
ThePeach: DO YOU HAVE RED BULL?
MortalCombat: No.
ThePeach: WILL YOU COME TO THE LEBANESE MINIMART WITH ME?
MortalCombat: Doesn’t it close in 5 minutes?
ThePeach: WILL YOU COME TO THE LEBANESE MINIMART WITH ME?
MortalCombat: …I’m kind of afraid to let you go alone.
ThePeach: MEET ME DOWNSTAIRS IN 30 SECONDS. BE PREPARED TO RUN.
MortalCombat: I’m the best friend ev-
ThePeach: *click*

In the lobby.

MortalCombat: Are you sure we can make it there in ti-
ThePeach: RUN. NOW!!

*mad sprint to store*

MortalCombat: *wheezes* I think it’s closed.
ThePeach: NO!
MortalCombat: The lights are off.
ThePeach: NO!
MortalCombat: It’s over, Peach.
ThePeach: *bangs hands on windows* NOOOOOO!

*sullen walk back to building*

ThePeach: *sniffle*
MortalCombat: You know what? I might actually have one can of Redbull left in the back of my fridge.
ThePeach: WHAT?
MortalCombat: I can’t promise anything, but there’s a chance I have one.
ThePeach: RUN!

*MortalCombat’s apartment*

MortalCombat: Here you go!
ThePeach: I love you.
MortalCombat: Now, you only have one bull. Don’t waste it. Get to work immediately when you get into your apartment. Don’t waste the buzz.
ThePeach: Of course.

Shit.

ThePeach

4 comments:

Sonya said...

I knew you would do this. I KNEW IT.

TM said...

24 hours Mac's on Bank ... if you can run 10k, you can jaunt down that far next time you have a desperate need for Red Bull.

Also, try Guru instead - it's Canadian and better for you (Organic) ... you can get it at Wild Oat.

I heart you ... especially when you're crazy :P

AsianCymbals said...

Dear Peach,

Oh my god. I have fallen so behind on your blog, and I just sat down tonight to catch up on it. And it is so good and so hilfuckinglarious that I'm shaking and sobbing with the force of my own laughter. I think I dislocated my clavicle.

I heart you. I heart you so much, I want to lick you using long, wet, thick strokes. Not on your genitals or anything, more like on your soul. Yeah, I want to lick you on your soul.

Creepily yours for always but especially in your sleep,
AsianCymbals

Prince William said...

Bloody brilliant I say. Good show!