Sunday, November 30, 2008

ThePeach's Computer is a Tramp; Learns from the Best

Before I start, I'd like to remind my gentle readers that you only have ONE MORE DAY TO VOTE FOR ME. So please, vote this bitch up. http://cdnba.wordpress.com/vote-2008/best-personal-blog/

Story time. But it has to be quick because I'm supposed to be writing a 15 page term paper on First Nations people, and all this contrived political correctness is exhausting me. Why can't I call them Injuns, I ask you? WHY?

Ok.

I'm still not a lesbian. This story isn't going to help convince you, though.

So, you know how I'm addicted to the tv show "The L Word"? Seriously, just watch it. It's amazing. I even got QueenB hooked, and she's completely againt lesbian sex. And there is a LOT of lesbian sex on this show. It's woven around intricate and edgy plots, but about every 7-10 minutes you will inevitably watch a topless chick finger-bang another topless chick in a swimming pool, or an actress fuck her director using a strap-on, or there will be an 8-minute musical montage where a white chick runs ice cubes over a black chick's nipples. I found it a little weird at first, but now I'm totally into it.

Why do I feel like I'll repeat that exact sentence someday as FauxHawk asks me when I started having sex with women? Sigh.

Ok. So, we've established that the show is awesome. And the sex scenes are hot.

So it only made sense to download a bunch of the sex scenes off the interwebs. How could I not? I wanted to relive the exact moment when the rough and bold Bette gave herself over to Tina! I needed to rewatch the dramatic and highly controversial chick-on-chick rape scene! And the time Mirena went down on Jenny and her fiance walked in on them!? Craziness!

Well. Now my computer has 131 trojan viruses.

I'm not kidding. 131.

My flash player no longer works, I can't use internet explorer anymore, and 98% of my computer space is being used up by mystery processes. My laptop randomly turns off at intermittent times, probably because it's trying to kill itself. Programs open with the speed of a senior citizen climbing a flight of stairs. This morning I tried to reboot and I spent an hour hitting "end now" buttons on all of the "this program is not responding" windows that kept popping up. Seriously - an hour. I read the entire Saturday Globe and Mail during this process.

131 trojan viruses. Help me.

I guess I'm a computer porn rookie. Perhaps there are ways to download that don't result in crippling computer viruses, but I am not wise to them.

My computer has 131 STDs. Because I was downloading porn.

I blame the lesbians.

ThePeach

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

serves you right you closeted lesbian! this is what happens when you try to defy the universe. we have the "l word" on dvd, its much safer!

plus, in lesbian sex there is no "trojan" involved...see peens always wreck the fun!

love,
JMo

Anonymous said...

instead of downloading the show, why not just go to surfthechannel.com and watch it there for free w/o d/l-ing?