Monday, December 08, 2008

ThePeach is an Intern Now: Day 1

I show up 20 minutes early. I am wearing high heels and dress pants. I have a large stabucks coffee in one hand and a copy of Universitytown newspaper in the other. The obese secretary in the leopard-print pant-suit tells me that my editor isn't here yet. I sit in the lobby and jitter with caffeine-energies.

45 minutes later the editor comes to get me. He is gruff and pompous, just like editors in movies about journalists such as Superman. He even has the thick-rimmed glasses and balding head. He shows me my desk. He gives me my pass-card. He gives me 6 press releases and tells me to turn them into stories. I turn around to ask him how to file stories but he is gone.

I poop my pants a little.

I file my first story. I try to print it but I jam the communal printer. It takes 3 people to figure out how to fix it.

I write my second story. I call my contact - a senior citizen named Myrtle - and she invites me on a senior citizen hike. I politely decline. Why do old people love me? I file my second story. Jam printer.

I locate the coffee cart. Highlight of day.

I locate the women's washroom. Second-most highlight of day.

I almost forget pass-card in bathroom and lock myself in weird hallway. Low-point of day.

I file my third story. It is about charity christmas ornaments. I chuckle as I write the sentence "to order a set of balls, contact the Rotary club..." Heh. Balls.

Realize I am only female reporter. Vow to be professional and competent and not fall back on feminine stereotypes.

Jam printer again. Fail.

File fourth story.

Editor: WHEN DOES ONE USE A PREPOSITION?!
ThePeach: Um.
Editor: DO YOU KNOW WHAT A PREPOSITION IS??
ThePeach: *sweats*
Editor: AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE AN ENGLISH MAJOR?!
ThePeach: I...don't...I...me...gin?
Editor: I'M GOING FOR A SMOKE!
ThePeach: *poops*

File fifth story. Succesfully use printer. Victory for feminism!

Editor walks in as I apply lip gloss. Setback for feminism.

File sixth story. Exhale for first time in 8 hours. Meet editor to edit stories.

Editor: WHEN DOES ONE USE STREET vs ST.??
ThePeach: Um.
Editor: WHEN DOES ONE USE HYPHENS??
ThePeach: Tuesdays?
Editor: WHEN DO WE USE THE WORD "YOUTH"?
ThePeach: *screams*
Editor: HEY, THESE STORIES ARE PRETTY GOOD. CONGRATS. WE'LL GIVE YOU A REAL ASSIGNMENT TOMORROW.
ThePeach:...what?

Finally leave buiding at 7:30. Get lost trying to find the exit. Accidentally go through emergency exit and walk into a snow-covered field, facing a lake, behind the building. Door is locked behind me. Treck through shin-deep snow in high heels. Curse world.

ThePeach

4 comments:

thehippie said...

congrats on the pretty good stories! heres hoping the msn gods allow us to chat tonight about day 2 of new work.

AsianCymbals said...

Yay!! You're a real journalist!!

Also, reading this post made me so nervous. You bring feelings out in me. Feelings.

thepilot said...

High heels and dress pants! Très hot, my journalist friend...très hot.

JPack said...

As one of three people in the blogger world who have "drinking my face off" was an interest, i hope you have a few drinks this weekends. Congrats on the Internship, i look forward to reading more about it.