Friday, May 29, 2009

Chasing Beaver

I just had a conversation with ThePilot, one of my oldest friends. He lives in a very small town, grew up in another very small town, and the result is: 1) An innocence you don’t expect to see in a grown man, 2) a very large internet porn collection, and 3) conversations like this:

ThePeach: Yo. How was your day?
ThePilot: I was thinking about doing nothing all day, but ultimately I spent the afternoon chasing beaver.
ThePeach:…literal beaver, ThePilot?
ThePilot: Be honest. You know me. What do you think?
ThePeach: I think you spent your day in the wilderness frolicking with literal beavers. Maybe you splashed in a bubbling brook. Skipped some stones. And the like.
ThePilot: You would be correct. But it’s more fun to say it that way. I plan to post it on facebook and see what kind of reactions I get.
ThePeach: Please do.
The Pilot: What good are virtual friends if you can't ruffle 'em up every once in a while
ThePeach: So, let’s back up. Why were you chasing beaver?
ThePilot: I didn’t start out chasing beaver.
ThePeach: No one ever does.
ThePilot: I was just out for a bike ride…turns out this area is crawling with beavers.
ThePeach: heh.
ThePilot: Side note time -
ThePeach: Yay!
ThePilot: How the hell did beaver become an allegory for sex?
ThePeach: ThePilot, it’s an allegory for vagina. Not for sex.
ThePilot: Thank you, doctor. Now, answer the question.
ThePeach: Well, let’s think about this. Wait, is this really how I’m spending my Friday night? Sigh. Ok, that’s out of the way, back to the beaver! It’s dark. It’s hairy (ew). OH. IT EATS WOOD!
ThePilot: Hmm. I think you might have nailed…I mean, you might have correctly guessed it.
ThePeach: Also, my vagina can build small fortresses out of sticks and moss. So there’s probably that.
ThePilot: I also would have accepted ‘it’s a nice piece of tail.’
ThePeach: The beaver has so many levels.

That’s right. I haven’t posted anything in 10 days, and instead of updating you on my life in any capacity, I’m blogging about the beaver.


quackattack said...

k, my aunt & uncle now think i'm crazy from laughing hysterically at this. I heart both of you.

... it eats wood. CLASSIC!

weeone said...

i haven't laughed like that in a long time... thanks peach :) i heart you muchly.