Sunday, January 03, 2010

A Very Beatles Breakup

If my relationship with FauxHawk had a soundtrack, it would be The Beatles complete score. Every song, from the early pop to the last Paul McCartney single.

I already loved The Beatles when FauxHawk and I met, but he is actually obsessed. His apartment is a shrine to the Fab 4, right down to the collector’s dolls on his bedside dresser.

Have you ever woken up to a plastic John Lennon? It’s creepy.

Our very first date (actual date, not the slimy bar hookup the week prior) consisted of getting drunk on his couch while he played the entire White Album and gave me the history to each song.

We’ve seen Paul McCartney live. I can tell you which song “My Sweet Lord” supposedly plagiarized. I know that “Across the Universe” was once the theme song for the World Wildlife Fund. I know how many takes Ringo needed to hit that last note in “With a little help from my friends.” He’s not a natural singer, that one.

But what do I do now with all this useless knowledge?

Answer: use it for evil.

A while ago I was listening to my playlist and started thinking that our breakup could be described solely with The Beatles lyrics. I think it’s fitting, in a ‘stab you with your own weapon’ type of way. It’s kind of like a new age poetry slam, but without the unwashed hair and latent homosexuality.

And I am very aware how incredibly lame this is, by the way. It’s cathartic, bitches.

So, here we go. Six months of breakup, from the phone call on Canada Day where he dumped me, to fucking with my head and not wanting to let me go and swooping in with declarations of love every time I started moving on (even though he was already moving on, fuck you very much), to today, when I told him that we need to stop being friends because it’s clear he just wants to have his cake and eat it, too.

I've arranged it like a convo between the two of us, one line per person. He starts. Giddyup!

You say yes, I say no.
Don’t let me down.
You say stop, and I say go, go, go.
Don’t let me down.
I’m so tired, I don’t know what to do.
All you need is love.
I’m so tired, my mind is set on you.
Love is all you need.
Goodbye, bye, bye, bye, bye.

When you told me you didn't need me anymore, well you know I nearly broke down and cried.
Nothing’s gonna change my world.
When you told me you didn't need me anymore, well you know I nearly fell down and died.
Nothing’s gonna change my world.

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces.
Something in the way she moves, attracts me like no other lover.
Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here.
Something in her smile, she knows, that I don’t need no other lover.
Here comes the sun. And I say it’s alright.
I don’t want to leave her now. You know I believe and how.
Sun, sun, sun here it comes.

Why don’t we do it in the road? Why don’t we do it in the road?
What would you do if I sang out of tune, would you stand up and walk out on me?
Why don’t we do it in the road? Why don’t we do it in the road?
How do I feel by the end of the day (are you sad because you’re on your own?)
Why don’t we do it in the road? Why don’t we do it in the road?
Could it be anybody? I just need someone to love.
No one will be watching us.
I want somebody to love.

And when I touch you, I feel happy inside.
Happiness is a warm gun.
It’s such a feeling that my love, I can’t hide.
Happiness is a warm gun (bang bang, shoot shoot).
I wanna hold your hand. I wanna hold your hand.

(If you drive a car car) I'll tax the street. (If you try to sit sit) I'll tax your seat
But when you talk about destruction, don’t you know that you can count me out?
(If you get too cold cold) I'll tax the heat. (If you take a walk) I'll tax your feet
But when you want money, all I can tell is brother you’ve got to wait.
‘Cause I’m the taxman. Yeah, I’m the taxman.
Love is all you need.

You say yes, I say no.
Got to get you into my life.
You say stop, and I say go, go go.
Got to get you into my life.
Good bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
I was alone, I took a ride. I didn’t know what I would find there.
Good bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
Another road where maybe I could find another kind of mind there.
I’ve been in love before and I found that love was more than just holding hands.
Got to get you into my life. Got to get you into my life.
I couldn’t stand the pain. If I fell in love with you.

Trala! Congrats to anyone who made it all the way through. I feel like a dirty, earnest, emo hippy. I’m going to go have a shower. Maybe get solo drunk. Maybe have sex.

I am not your back-pocket, almost perfect, can’t let you go but don’t really want you, temporary stand-in.

Ka-pow! Time to get loaded.

ThePeach

1 comment:

quackattack said...

THIS is an instant classic!
Fuckin' brilliant.