Monday, May 03, 2010

ThePeach undergoes life changes; not menopause

Herro. It’s been a while.

Here is a list of life happenings that have occurred since we last spoke:

1. I finished journalism school
I have a master’s degree now. No big deal.

2. I finished my thesis
This nearly killed me. There were a good two months where I didn’t go out, and a solid 5 weeks where I didn’t leave my apartment once. I stopped changing my clothes, preferring to don my “apartment uniform:” grungy old lulus and a baggy green sweatshirt. I stopped styling my hair, preferring to don my “haggard mom” wet bun hairdo. I stopped wearing makeup, preferring to don my “vampire hobo” natural beauty.

Add to this that I started living off a diet that consisted solely of microwave popcorn, asian noodles, spiral kraft dinner, coffee, and redbull. Not even sugar free redbull, as my liver had learned to metabolize this too quickly, but the full sugar, 10 million calorie, jolt your heart, can’t blink, motherfucking red to the bull.

And then I stopped communicating with the outside world. No phone calls, no msn convos, no emails. I even stopped checking my snail mail. I hope those bills can pay themselves.

All in all, I failed at humanity for over a month. But I wrote a 12,000 word thesis. On time. I have an eye twitch that may turn out to be permanent, I forget how to communicate and might have developed autistic tendencies, and BadInfluence may never touch me again (was I supposed to take off the apartment uniform after I handed in my thesis? I want to be buried in it), but my god I wrote a damn good article that is too long to freelance and about a topic that interests me and about three other people.

So worth it.

3. I moved to TheBigCity
Four days after I handed in my thesis, I woke up in a bedroom a five hour drive from my old home. This involved three days of manic packing, several teary goodbyes, and one tow truck to pull BadInfluence’s car off the side of the 401.

Yes, I am writing to you live from TheBigCity. I’m currently hiding in my bedroom on the 21st floor of a highrise in the thick of downtown, listening to ambulances scream by and hobos yell at pedestrians. I start my new job at the big newspaper in a month, my lease in CapitalCity ran out, so here I am.

It’s been slightly overwhelming. Good, but a lot to take in. I…live..here? I’m sure I’ll have lots more to say about this later. Right now I’m still trying to get over the shock of moving. I will admit that I already like TheBigCity a lot more than I thought I would, and I’m getting used to the noise, the ethnic people, and my roommate.

4. I have a roommate
Let’s call her Cig. Cig is 20 years old and works at La Senza. She’s south-asian and has “reincarnation” tattooed over her left tit. She told me that she had a fish named “Cigarette the Fish,” but I haven’t seen him yet, so I fear she may have killed it.

I’d lived here for all of an hour before she lit her first bowl.

Cig, as it turns out, is a massive pot head. The pot smoke wafts out from under her door all day, and from the balcony all night. I suppose it could be worse. She could be a coke head. And I do enjoy the pots, as you know. Just maybe not at 10am, when we share a wall, and I can hear her sucking on her bong. She enjoys the wake and bake.

From what I can tell, here is a typical day in the life of Cig:
10am: wake up. Light bong.
10am-10:15am: Suck on bong. Cough. Loudly.
10:15am: Fry a pan of bacon. Take it to bedroom.
10:25am: Eat bacon in room, watch episode of Dexter. Loudly.
11:15am: Offer ThePeach some pot. Peach declines.
11:20am-12:30pm: lie in bed. Loudly.
12:30pm: Shower. Put on a slutty dress.
1:00pm: Go to La Senza. Sell mesh thongs and fluorescent pink bras to preteens.
9:00pm: Come home, go to room.
9:01pm: Light bong. Suck on bong. Cough. Loudly.

And so forth.

I’m going for a drink with her tonight after her 9pm session. I’m looking forward to getting to know the inner workings of Cig. Does she have deep thoughts? Dreams and ambitions beyond working at La Senza? Can she tell me where the garbage chute and/or laundry room is?

Stay tuned.

ThePeach

2 comments:

The Other Gay said...

I love that you call your roommate cig. Can't wait to hear more stories now that you've moved to the Big City :)

Anonymous said...

Wow. I searched up "women studies" and I found your blog about it, so I started reading it. Found it pretty hilarious, while the feeling is mutual. Though I have a final on that shit tomorrow, I read several of your blogs. Very talented and humorous! Keep it up and good luck with your work :)
Hope this wasn't creepy or anything, just had to compliment you with your work! :)