Tuesday, October 19, 2010

ThePeach still gets chased by hobos

Just a quick update because I'm exhausted and horizontal on the couch right now after another 7am start at work. But I know I gave you all abandonment anxiety this summer, so I figured I should write something before you start dating people who remind you of your fathers.

So, I live in yuppie heaven now. It's cleaner(er), there's (a slight amount of) nature, I can see the lake (and into the apartment building across the street, where BadInfluence and I once caught what we're pretty sure was a dude jerking off at his computer. His shirt was off and we could only see one hand, anyway) from my window, and, best off all, I very rarely spot hookers or hobos (until I walk 2 blocks north).

Last week I had dinner with Spaz. We drank wine and stood by her kitchen island in her brand new condo, and talked about how we can't believe these are our lives. Just a few months ago we were haggard students living in CapitalCity, and here we are now, drinking (a $10 2L bottle of) wine, eating dinner in our shiny (so expensive my first rent cheque bounced) condos, talking about our (occasionally cry-fit-inducing) jobs. We're real, class-act, city girls.

Eventually our other friend joined us, we talked about work and relationships, finished the wine, and I stumbled home on foot around 1:30am.

It was a lovely night. I could smell the lake (and urine) as I turned down my street. And then on the sidewalk, right in front of my apartment doors, I saw...a hobo.

YOU DON'T BELONG HERE, HOBO!, I thought to myself.

DRAG THAT BUM LEG TWO BLOCKS NORTH!

He had wild hair, a red face, and a limp. I tried to scurry around him, but he looked right at me with his hobo eyes and took a deep breath, puffing up his chest to prepare for a hobo-yell.

"YOU STINKING AMERICAN JEW!!!!"

He waved his hands in the air and glared at me. Then opened his mouth again.

"YOU STINKING AMERICAN JEW!!!!!"

Wrong on all three accounts, hobo.

After a brief sidewalk stand-off, he limped along, and I walked into my building with a sigh of relief.

Then I drunk-dialed Spaz, our friend, and my work friend who, by the way, had to be up at 7am in the morning.

Class-act city girl. That's me.

ThePeach

1 comment:

lifeisducky said...

"Wrong on all three accounts, hobo."

... This just made my day.