Tuesday, February 01, 2011

ThePeach vs. The Bitch

My eyes were immediately drawn to a wine label when I was in a restaurant this weekend.

The wine was called “Bitch.”

The waiter said it was red, with fruity notes, and smooth on the palate, or at least I think that’s what he said but mostly I wasn’t listening because he had me at “Bitch.”

It was like god gave me a little gift.

ThePeach: I’ll have the bitch.
Waiter: Very good. The bitch is very smooth.
ThePeach: Can you hold off until after appetizers? I’d like the bitch with dinner.
Waiter: Very good. I’ll just leave the bitch on the table.

And it was the gift that kept on giving.

ThePeach: I think it’s time to crack open the bitch.
Waiter: Very good. Would you like to be the one to taste the bitch?
ThePeach: I would very much like to taste the bitch.
Waiter: *opens wine, puts one hand behind back, pours wine in glass.*
ThePeach: *gulps the bitch*
Waiter: And?
ThePeach: This bitch is excellent. You may pass the bitch around the table.

After dinner, the waiter came back for the bills.

Waiter: And how would you like to split the bitch?
ThePeach: I think we’d better split the bitch four ways.
Waiter: Very good.

The best part was that my bill then said “1/4 bitch.” You hear that, world? I’m only a quarter bitch.

After our grownup, fancy dinner, my friends and I rented “Ain’t Twilight Eclipse: A Porn Parody” and got hammered on redbull and gin while cheering like football fans as Jacob nailed some chick on the rez.

Just another classy night for ThePeach.

ThePeach

2 comments:

the other gay said...

OMG pass the bitch around. lol.
Amazing <3

Anonymous said...

Best. Wine name. Ever.