Tuesday, February 01, 2011

ThePeach vs. The Bitch

My eyes were immediately drawn to a wine label when I was in a restaurant this weekend.

The wine was called “Bitch.”

The waiter said it was red, with fruity notes, and smooth on the palate, or at least I think that’s what he said but mostly I wasn’t listening because he had me at “Bitch.”

It was like god gave me a little gift.

ThePeach: I’ll have the bitch.
Waiter: Very good. The bitch is very smooth.
ThePeach: Can you hold off until after appetizers? I’d like the bitch with dinner.
Waiter: Very good. I’ll just leave the bitch on the table.

And it was the gift that kept on giving.

ThePeach: I think it’s time to crack open the bitch.
Waiter: Very good. Would you like to be the one to taste the bitch?
ThePeach: I would very much like to taste the bitch.
Waiter: *opens wine, puts one hand behind back, pours wine in glass.*
ThePeach: *gulps the bitch*
Waiter: And?
ThePeach: This bitch is excellent. You may pass the bitch around the table.

After dinner, the waiter came back for the bills.

Waiter: And how would you like to split the bitch?
ThePeach: I think we’d better split the bitch four ways.
Waiter: Very good.

The best part was that my bill then said “1/4 bitch.” You hear that, world? I’m only a quarter bitch.

After our grownup, fancy dinner, my friends and I rented “Ain’t Twilight Eclipse: A Porn Parody” and got hammered on redbull and gin while cheering like football fans as Jacob nailed some chick on the rez.

Just another classy night for ThePeach.



the other gay said...

OMG pass the bitch around. lol.
Amazing <3

Anonymous said...

Best. Wine name. Ever.